Review: Thor Ragnarok

The Marvel Cinematic Universe, like everything associated with Disney, has been steadily deteriorating. The warning signs were there in The Avengers, which in hindsight was one of the last good films in the entire MCU. Now the people in charge only care about making money, and the films are increasingly incoherent nightmares.

I couldn't be bothered looking up a screenshot of the title card. This ugly, chaotic, explosion-in-a-paint-factory-esque thing is a perfect summary of the film itself anyway.

Thor Ragnarok is a strong contender for "worst MCU movie". I'd say it's even on the list of worst movies ever made. It claims to be the third instalment of the Thor series while disregarding everything about the previous films. 

I first watched it about a year after it was released. Back then I found it mildly entertaining but a real let-down. Recently I made the mistake of watching it again. It was one of the most horrifying experiences I've ever had. I had to immediately rewatch Thor (2011) to remember what these characters are supposed to be like.

To quote my TVTropes review, written in 2018:

The first scene has Thor in a cage for reasons never fully explained, talking to a skeleton. Huh? Then he starts snarking at Surtur, something that would be more in-character for Loki than Thor. Actually, the first time I watched it I thought that was Loki, in disguise as Thor. But no, it's Thor.

Then, in the space of minutes, Thor goes back to Asgard, reveals Loki has taken Odin's place, and sets off with Loki to find Odin, who dies just after they find him, and whose death is immediately followed by the appearance of Hela, whose existence in the MCU was never mentioned before this film. Talk about fast-moving.

There was one thing that I absolutely hated, though. Loki, as usual, tries to betray Thor, and Thor responds by... electrifying him. And then walks off, leaving Loki in pain with no way of stopping the pain. And this is never brought up again! Loki -- Loki, of all people -- seems to completely forgive Thor for it!

...As you can tell, I didn't exactly give it a ringing endorsement back in 2018. Now, in 2020, my opinion of it is even worse. The entire film is one unfunny joke after another. Loki even makes a joke about his attempted suicide. The Warriors Three are unceremoniously killed off and forgotten about. Characters do utterly uncharacteristic things. The film's "heroine" kidnaps people and sells them to be forced to fight to the death.

What sort of idiot could possibly make a film this bad? Turns out the director (who plays a major character in the film, something that IMO just screams "egotism" and reminds me of terrible self-insert fanfiction) also made a comedy about Hitler. Yes, really. (I watched a one-minute clip because I couldn't believe it was true. That clip did what the goriest deaths in Jaws and Jurassic Park have never done: it made me physically sick.) That tells you all you need to know about him. And the fact Marvel ever hired him and allowed this film to be made tells you all you need to know about them.

I had already lost interest in the new Marvel movies. Rewatching this mess was just the final nail in the coffin.

Is it available online?: I hope not.

Rating: 0/10

Review: Thor (2011)

I'm taking a short break from period drama reviews to review a film I fell in love with when it was first released. Well, I didn't fall in love with the film. I fell in love with a character in it.

(You probably already know who.)

Thor isn't a straight-up adaptation of Norse mythology; it's an adaptation of Marvel Comic's adaptation of Norse mythology. So obviously it's not very close to the original myths. I'm not a comics fan so I can't say how close it sticks to the comics, but other people's remarks make me think it's a loose adaptation of them too.

Every so often you find a film that is just average on its own, but has a character/a plot/a song (if it's a musical)/a scene that you fall in love with. Thor is one of those films. I frankly couldn't care less about Thor's romance with Jane, and his quest to get back to Asgard is interesting but not enough to hold my attention. Every time I watch this film (and I've seen it dozens of times), it's because of Loki.

I'm pretty sure absolutely everyone knows the actors, so I won't even bother listing them. Instead I'll go straight to the plot. Not the entire plot, just the important parts.

The story begins Jane trying to get photos of a storm, only for a man to appear out of nowhere and hit her van. Then it flashes back to the events leading to this situation.

Odin, King of Asgard, tells his young sons, Thor and Loki, about a war between the Æsir and Jötnar/Frost Giants.

Young Loki, young Thor, and Odin

Then we jump forward about a thousand years. Thor and Loki are now adults, and Thor is about to be crowned King of Asgard. The ceremony is interrupted when a group of Frost Giants sneak into Asgard. Thor, egged on by Loki, takes some of his friends and goes to Jötunheim in retaliation. A fight breaks out. And in the middle of it, Loki is grabbed by a Jötunn... and sees his skin inexplicably turn blue.

The moment that set Loki on his path to villainy. Poor Loki 😢

Odin rescues Thor and co., then promptly banishes Thor for nearly starting a war. Thor ends up on Earth, where he crashes into Jane's van.

Loki, back on Asgard, discovers that he is a Jötunn. Not just any Jötunn, but the son of King Laufey. He takes this revelation... pretty badly. Just to make things worse, Odin -- in a display of spectacularly bad parenting -- has raised him to hate and fear Jötnar.

Result: Loki goes off the deep end. He decides the best way to cope with this is to nearly murder Thor, and try to destroy Jötunheim.

It doesn't end well for poor Loki. In fact, it ends in attempted suicide, and him becoming a full-fledged villain 😭

Don't let go, don't let go... NOOOOO! 😭😭

The film ends with Asgard cut off from Earth thanks to Loki's actions. But after the credits there's a scene that reveals Loki is still alive, and on Earth. I'd cheer, but considering what he's on Earth to do...

So, what do I think of it overall?

Thor's plot is pretty average and predictable. And to make things worse, I can't think of a single scene where his romance with Jane feels natural. Every time they interact it's painfully obvious that this subplot is here just because the director/script writer/producer/whoever thought the film needed a romance subplot and didn't care if it was believable.

Loki, on the other hand, is the greatest character in the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe. He's tragic, he's losing his mind, and I feel so sorry for him even when he's trying to blow up a planet. This is one of the reasons why I'm not the biggest fan of Loki's characterisation in later films, incidentally. From The Avengers onward he stops being a tragic villain and becomes just a villain. A fascinating, amusing villain, but a much less sympathetic one.

Is it available online?: Probably, but I'm not sure where. I've heard it's on Netflix, but I don't have Netflix so I don't know if that's still true or not.

Rating: 5/10 for the plot, and 8/10 for Loki.