Review: A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder (Broadway, 2014)

I love so many musicals that it's impossible to decide which one I like best. This one might not be at the top of the list, but it's certainly in the top ten.

A Gentleman's Guide to Love and Murder is a 2012 musical based on the 1949 film Kind Hearts and Coronets, which in turn is based on the novel Israel Rank. I haven't read the novel, but I have seen the film. In some ways the musical sticks closely to it -- most notably, almost an entire family (including the women!) are played by the same actor.

I didn't recognise any of the cast, so on to the plot.

Like the film, the musical starts with the main character in prison for murder. The rest of the show explains how he got there. Two years earlier, Monty Navarro learns that his recently-deceased mother was actually an aristocrat who was disowned by her family. He's ninth in line to become an earl. So he decides to move up the line of succession by murdering everyone in front of him. Hilarity ensues, impossible though it sounds.

Now, a few of my thoughts while I was watching it.

For some reason our "hero"'s name has been changed. So has the surname of the family. But Sibella's name is unchanged. Why?

There are a lot of songs. And they're all incredibly catchy. (I caught myself humming "A Warning to the Company" while washing dishes.)

The staging of the reverend's death is frankly ridiculous. I know it's a black comedy, and a stage performance, but how did anyone think "staggering around the stage like a drunkard" was a convincing way to show "falling to his death"?

In the same scene Monty goes from acting out what happened, to sitting in his prison cell and writing his memoirs. The way he has to frantically rush from one part of the stage to the other, in full view of the audience, struck me as incredibly amateurish and better-suited to high school productions than Broadway. Couldn't they at least dim the lights to show the scene had changed?

That massive... curtain... thing in the middle of the stage leaves the actors with very little room to move around it. I spent several scenes expecting someone to trip or bump into it.

When I was annoyed or puzzled by the blocking I frequently found myself picturing how I'd stage a performance of this musical. (I suppose if I can't find any other job I could always try to get work as a theatre director!)

All right, so a black comedy isn't exactly the place to look for character development, but Sibella's decision to marry Lionel when she knows she won't be happy makes no sense. Monty just asked her to marry him, she knows he has money, and she certainly doesn't love Lionel, so... why?

For some reason Edith is renamed Phoebe. So Sibella and Lionel are the only characters to keep their names from Kind Hearts and Coronets. Again, why? If they were changing names anyway, why leave those two the same?

"Inside Out" had me in stitches XD A love song while someone's dying in the background should not be funny. But a love song where one of the singers is the murderer, about how the world would be better if we could see people's true natures? While the victim runs around chased by bees? Priceless!

Phoebe is Monty's cousin here, unlike in the film. I was confused. Was she going to become another victim? (Nope; she's one of the few D'Ysquiths Monty doesn't kill.)

All but two of the murders happen in the first act. Unfortunately, this means that the first act is much longer than the second. Too long, in fact. The second act feels incredibly rushed as a result.

"Why Are All the D'Ysquiths Dying?" is wonderfully morbid and funny. And it has some of my favourite lines in the show: "What a tasteless way of showing off!", "To lose one relative one can certainly forgive. But how can you excuse losing two or three or four or seven?", and "I can't imagine missing someone less." (Perfectly sums up my reaction to news of some people's deaths!)

Phoebe proposing to Monty while Sibella is in the house made me giggle even while being irritated by Monty and Sibella. I prefer the film's version of this sordid mess to the musical's. At least the film made me feel sorry for Edith/Phoebe; she did nothing to deserve being married to a serial killer. Here I was just impatiently waiting for the inevitable next murder and Monty's arrest.

The circumstances of Monty's arrest are different here. He's arrested for murdering the earl, and Sibella and Phoebe both pretend they're the murderer to get him released. The part that really annoyed me about this was when it's suddenly revealed Miss Shingle was the murderer this time. That comes out of nowhere and makes no sense 😒

Weirdest of all is the twist ending that there's another D'Ysquith still alive who's planning to kill Monty. I prefer the film's ending, especially the ambiguity about whether or not his memoirs were discovered.

Overall the musical is thoroughly entertaining and frequently very funny. The good parts outweigh the bad, and I love all of the songs!

Is it available online?: Yes, but I'd better not say where.

Rating: 8/10.

Review: The Mikado (English National Opera, 2015)

Well. This was not what I was expecting from a performance of The Mikado.

That's got to be the blandest title-card I've ever seen. Could no one be bothered to design something better? Something that didn't look like a business's logo?

The Mikado is an operetta by Gilbert and Sullivan, first performed in 1885. It's been staged many times and translated into many languages.

Opera isn't something I watch a lot of, so I didn't recognise any of the actors.

As you might have guessed from the title, it's set in Japan. A very fictionalised Japan, that bears no resemblance to the real country; it's actually a satire of England but given an exotic setting. This particular version apparently missed that fact and just set it in England... without changing any of the references to Japan 😖

Picture this, if you will. You've clicked on a video of The Mikado. The music plays, the curtain rises... and this is what meets your eyes:

If you're anything like me your response is, "There must be some mistake! This can't be the right video!"

The video helpfully provides subtitles/lyrics to the songs. (Unfortunately they can't be turned off, and they don't always match what's being sung.) So if you're too amazed by this sight to process what the people pictured above are saying, the subtitles translate for you. "If you want to know who we are" (Yes, I do actually!) "We are gentlemen of Japan." (Sure you are. And I'm the Queen of Sheba.)

I was so bewildered by this spectacle that I had to pause the video and search the comments for some explanation. Turns out, at some point in the past the English National Opera had the genius idea to set The Mikado in 1930s England. Whaaaaaat. This is a revival of that version. Once wasn't enough? They had to revive it?

Well, at least I knew I wasn't watching the wrong video. I pressed play, and steeled myself for a painful two hours. This was not what I had in mind when I decided to watch a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta.

The weirdness gets even worse when Nanki-Poo arrives. To start with, he looks like a Jeeves and Wooster character who was standing next to a make-up shop when it exploded.

Someone call Madame Tussauds. One of their waxworks is missing.

Everyone's make-up is utterly terrible here. It can't be stage make-up; I've seen other stage shows that don't make their actors look like walking mannequins.

After a while the insanity of the staging almost faded into the background and I managed to focus on the plot. I even found plenty of intentionally funny things to laugh at. Every word Pooh-Ba says had me in stitches 😆 ("Another insult, and I think a light one" is a line I really want to use in real life some day 😄) The trouble is, some new absurdity forces its way on stage with every scene change, and some are harder to ignore than others. For some reason the thing that especially drives me round the bend is "Lord Hey Executioner". Excuse me! That is not how you pronounce "High"! 😒 If that was an attempt at a joke, it fell flat.

Very few of the characters made any impression on me. I noticed them mostly for how bizarre they looked. Katisha's hat might not take the cake, but it certainly takes a good few slices. And I spent at least five minutes trying to decide if the Mikado is wearing a barrel.

Katisha's hat, the very latest fashion on Mars. Oh, and Katisha herself is there too.

There are so many strange things in this screencap that I don't know where to start. The guy on the left who's stolen Stan Laurel's hat? The servants wearing small buckets on their heads? The Mikado who's almost indistinguishable from a tub of lard? And last but by no means least, that... circular... object... in the foreground? Words fail.

As ridiculous as this production is, at least the music and singing are consistently good. Alas, this wasn't enough to make me feel any interest in the characters or the plot. I'd much rather watch a more traditional production of The Mikado, one which doesn't look like the entire production team were drunk.

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube, if for some reason you want to watch it.

Rating: 2/10.

Review: Phantom (Wichita, 1993)

No, this isn't a review of the Arthur Lloyd Webber musical. This review's of the Maury Yeston/Arthur Kopit musical, also based on the novel The Phantom of the Opera.

This musical was actually written before Lloyd Webber's version, but the first production was in 1991. Since then it's been performed many times, including by the Takarazuka Revue. It was the basis for the 1990 miniseries The Phantom of the Opera. (Yes, the series based on it was shown before the musical was performed. It's confusing.)

Unfortunately, the video quality of this version is very poor, so taking screenshots is a waste of time. The sound quality is also poor; there's a constant droning noise in the background that makes watching it a trial.

Christine in this version is selling flowers when Count Philippe (the musical's equivalent of Raoul; no idea why they gave him the name of Raoul's brother and changed his title 😑) hears her sing and tells her to go the Paris Opera to get singing lessons. At the same time, the Opera House has changed managers: Alain (who isn't in any other version, as far as I can tell) and Carlotta. Erik is not amused. He's even less amused by Carlotta's singing. If you thought Carlotta's singing in the other musical is ear-splitting, wait until you hear this one.

Carlotta gives Christine a job sorting out costumes. Erik hears her singing and offers to give her lessons. I'm sure you can already see where this is going. It ends... badly. The ending is simultaneously better and worse than the other musical's. (Figuring out how to differentiate between two shows with similar titles and the same basic story is a pain!) ALW!Phantom never made me cry at the end. This one does.

Like the other musical, this version deviates pretty sharply from the novel's plot. Sometimes this is a good thing. Other times, not so much. Erik/the Phantom is much more human and less of a psychopathic murderer in this version. (Side note: I was amazed to realise this Phantom is played by the same guy who voiced Gaston in Beauty and the Beast!) But the sub-plot about his parents and his past isn't particularly interesting, and the story stops for about fifteen minutes for this sub-plot. I would really have preferred if they'd stayed closer to Erik's history as shown in the book.

Philippe is even less interesting than Raoul, and I usually skip his scenes. But Carlotta is so melodramatic and diva-ish that she's probably my favourite character. I'm afraid Christine doesn't make much impression on me until the final scene. Speaking of the final scene, it took me fifteen minutes to stop crying when I watched it 😭

If you're new to this musical, it would be better to watch a different version first. But if you know the story and don't mind the poor quality, this is definitely worth watching.

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube.

Rating: The musical gets 7/10, but the terrible quality of this video knocks the rating down to 5/10.

Review: Elisabeth das Musical (Vienna, 1992)

Stage musicals, more than any other form of entertainment, are prone to changing dramatically over the years. Things are added or removed between productions, and within twenty years you can end up with something that looks nothing like the first production. Elisabeth is a perfect example of this.

This version doesn't have a title-card, so here, have the Original Cast Recording cover instead.

This is a filmed version of a dress rehearsal for Elisabeth's original production. It's not as polished as the 2005 version, which was an actual filmed performance, but it gives a pretty good idea of how the original version was performed.

I recognised only the main two actors:
Pia Douwes (Mrs. Danvers in Rebecca das Musical) as Elisabeth
Uwe Kröger (Colloredo in Mozart! das Musical 1999) as Death

First things first. I like the overlapping-lines bit in the prologue where Elisabeth's relatives sing one line while the ensemble sing a different one. (Is there a technical name for that?) No idea why it was removed from most later German versions.

Death's costume in the prologue is as ridiculous as in the 2005 version. Was the costume designer drunk? Or did they sincerely believe that nothing screams "personification of Death" quite like "frilly lacy whatever-that-thing-is"?

Death, with Lucheni in the background. I try not to look at that "costume", but it's... hard to ignore 😣

Elisabeth makes her first appearance and falls to her death... and Death. They fall in love at first sight. Does anyone think this will end well? Surprise! It doesn't. Elisabeth meets Franz Joseph and falls in love with him.

Sophie, Franz Joseph, and some rather ghoulish-looking courtiers.

What on earth is that eagle thing? It looks like something you'd find in an amusement park, and it's certainly not historically accurate. This is just one of the many weird things scattered through this production.

What better setting for a romantic duet than something that looks like it's borrowed from a horror movie set in a funfair?

I'm not a fan of the Vienna stagings of the wedding. The puppet-like dancing? Yes, it's suitably eerie. The "wedding clothes" that look like plastic bags? No, no, a thousand times no. It's not only ugly, it looks silly.

Elisabeth, wearing a not-at-all accurate "wedding dress". All right, so Empress Elisabeth's real wedding dress is lost and no one knows exactly what it looked like. But I think it's safe to say it wasn't made of plastic! Was this really the best the costume department could do?

But on the bright side, I like Death and his angels rising out of the floor before "Der letzte Tanz". That's much more impressive than some later versions, where they just walk onstage. Speaking of "Der letzte Tanz", this is my favourite version of it ever. It's also one of the worst ear worms I've ever had stuck in my head.

The picture isn't the clearest, but that's Franz Joseph and Elisabeth in the left corner, and Death reaching out to Elisabeth.

The lighting is much better here than in the 2005 DVD, but why is everything so blue? Blue sets, blue lights, blue costumes (even when they're clearly not blue), even bluish actors... Either the director really loved blue, or something went badly wrong with the camera.

Ignoring the blueness, "Ich gehör nur mir" is one of the most awesome songs in musical theatre, and this is one of the most awesome renditions of it.

"Denn iiiiiiiich! Gehör! Nur miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir!"

The scene where Elisabeth's daughter dies is very eerie. This Death is much more inhuman and emotionless than 2005!Death, and the way he stares at Elisabeth after she sees her daughter's body is downright terrifying. Less jealous love interest, more supernatural creature unable to understand her grief.

One of the problems with the way this is filmed is how the camera focuses on one part of the stage and doesn't show the rest of it. During the second half of "Elisabeth, mach auf mein Engel", the camera stays on Elisabeth for most of it and only briefly shows Death. So without knowledge of other productions, you'll have no idea where Death is on the stage. Not the best decision there, editors.

This version of "Ich will dir nur sagen" doesn't include Death's part of the song. Apparently that was only added later. Very disappointing 😒 On the bright side, Elisabeth's dress is great.

Act I was much less polished than later versions. I'm sorry to say it, but Act II is a mess.

To start with, "Wenn ich tanzen will" is missing. It wouldn't be written until ten years later. The show jumps straight from "Éljen" to "Mama, wo bist du?". Then, for some reason known only to the choreographer, "Nichts, nichts, gar nichts" ends in... The YouTube description calls it a "chaotic dance sequence", and that's the only way to describe it. Why? Goodness knows.

Some Deaths are disturbingly gleeful when they tell Elisabeth about Franz Joseph's adultery. Some are more cold about it. And then there's this Death, who sounds downright bored until Elisabeth considers suicide. I'm not sure which portrayal I prefer, but this is one time when Death being emotionless is less "cold and distant" and more "just plain indifferent". He's in love with Elisabeth; shouldn't he show some emotion? Even if it's just triumphing over his rival's sin?

And we briefly dive into near-2005 levels of poor lighting, too.

Rudolf's subplot in the Vienna stagings makes very little sense to anyone who hasn't done an in-depth study of 19th century Austrian history. He appears as an adult for the first time immediately before "Die Schatten werden länger", sings a duet with Death even though there's no explanation of what he's afraid of, and then disappears from the story until he goes to Elisabeth, is turned away, and kills himself. It's exactly as confusing as it sounds.

Rudolf asking Elisabeth for help

But not even the mishandling of his subplot can make his death any less tragic 😭

The heartbreak only gets worse from then on. (And it was hardly a jolly, cheerful show before!) We get a very depressing "Boote in der Nacht", a chilling "Am Deck der sinkenden Welt" (side note: I like how the platform literally sinks at the end of the song), and then an even more depressing "Der Schleier fällt". I'm still not a fan of Death basically dropping Elisabeth on the ground after he kisses her. That's a terribly underwhelming ending.

It took me a long time to realise that thing outlined in white is meant to be Elisabeth's coffin.

Despite what you might have thought from my sarcasm, I really do like this production. It's a decent rendition of the story, and an interesting look at where the show started. But it just isn't as complete as later productions, nor does the plot make as much sense without the songs that were added later. It's a good introduction to Elisabeth, though, and well worth watching!

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube with English subtitles.

Rating: 7/10.

Review: Mozart! das Musical (2015)

I can sum up this show in one word: "What."

I admit I know very little about the historical Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. All I know about him is "he was a child prodigy who wrote some great music and died young". Until I saw this musical, I had no idea about his relationship with his father or the existence of Nannerl, Constanze or Colloredo. The reading I've done since watching it has convinced me that the musical does an injustice to almost everyone except Wolfgang and Nannerl.

First, some information. Mozart! is a German-language musical by Michael Kunze and Sylvester Levay, the same writer and composer who made Elisabeth das Musical. It premiered in 1999 and met with a lukewarm response. Now that I've seen it, I can understand why. This version was staged in 2015, filmed, and released on DVD.

I only recognised two of the actors, both from different versions of Elisabeth:
Thomas Borchert (Lucheni in 1998) as Leopold Mozart
Mark Seibert (Death from 2012-circa 2015?) as Colloredo

The story begins after Mozart's death. Then it flashes back to when he was a child, and then jumps forward to him as an adult. We're introduced to Wolfgang, his sister Nannerl, his overbearing father Leopold, his arrogant employer Colloredo... and Amadé, who's the personification of Wolfgang's genius and who literally stabs him and writes music with his blood.

Wolfgang and Leopold

Colloredo

Nannerl

Wolfgang and Colloredo have an argument that ends with Wolfgang being fired, so he goes to find work elsewhere. Colloredo, in an astonishing display of pettiness, does his best to stop anyone hiring Wolfgang. I was just getting into the story and expecting to see Wolfgang to triumph over Colloredo... and then it takes a turn for the surreal.

Picture this, if you will. (Or you could watch the musical and then you won't have to picture it.) You're watching a show set in 18th century Austria. All right, so the costumes are rather anachronistic, and the sets are very bland and rely too much on projections. But it's still supposed to be the 18th century, and you can suspend your disbelief enough to accept that.

And then a van drives onstage.

I'm not joking. They drive an actual van onstage -- a van that IMHO bears a striking resemblance to the Mystery Machine of Scooby-Doo! fame. The first time I saw the musical, I had to pause it and skip backward and forward a few scenes to assure myself that no, someone hadn't added a clip from an entirely different show to the video.

Things deteriorate even further from then on. The van in question is driven by the Weber family, a bunch of money-obsessed creeps who look like they got lost on their way to a rock concert. Naturally, they latch onto Wolfgang as a way to get money.

This picture is its own snarky caption.

Meanwhile, Colloredo has realised how good Wolfgang's music is and is determined to get him to work for him again. And Leopold is angry with Wolfgang's behaviour, and wants his son to go back to working for Colloredo. Wolfgang has fallen in love with Constanze, one of the Webers and the only one of them who's remotely sympathetic, and doesn't care what his father wants. Act 1 ends with Wolfgang bluntly (and crudely) refusing to work for Colloredo, then singing the most memorable song in the musical.

Wie wird man seinen Schatten los? (How Can You Escape Your Shadow?)

If you noticed that title sounds a bit like "Die Schatten werden länger", then you can already guess what this song is about. Wolfgang wants to live, but he knows that Amadé is slowing killing him and there's no way to escape. This is where that aforementioned "writing in blood" scene appears.

Amadé and Wolfgang

Amadé writing with Wolfgang's blood

In Act 2, we learn that the Webers are as repulsive as ever and historical accuracy has been murdered in its sleep. What else is new?

Constanze, her mother, and a set almost as hideous as the Webers.

Constanze and Wolfgang are apparently living together. Yes, in 18th century Catholic Austria, an unmarried man and woman are living together and no one except Constanze's mother objects -- and her objection is because she wants money, not to save her daughter's reputation. Now, people did live together years ago... but if it became widely known it would have been scandalous. Especially in Catholic countries. Royalty and nobility could get away with it, but Wolfgang was neither. Anyway, Constanze's mother forces them to get married, and then she sponges off Wolfgang.

Nannerl asks Wolfgang for money so she can get married. Instead Wolfgang gambles his money away, the irresponsible jerk 😠

Leopold dies, and Wolfgang finally realises he's been a brat. Not that it changes him, though. Then he gets a visit from a mysterious man who wants him to compose a requiem. It's strongly implied that this is some sort of supernatural visit.

Wolfgang and the mysterious man

Wolfgang composes an opera, has a final confrontation with Colloredo, and then dies before finishing the requiem. Before he dies he realises that it's his own requiem. And then Amadé stabs him in the heart 😮

That face Wolfgang makes ruins what should be the most dramatic scene in the musical. He looks like he's just heard something surprising, not like he's been stabbed in the heart.

If you've read this far, I think you can already guess what my overall opinion of the show is.

As if the unlikeable characters, the frequently-dull plot and the blatant lack of regard for historical accuracy weren't enough, the sets are ugly too.

In fact, I hesitate to call them "sets". That conjures up images of doors and furniture placed on the stage. For about three quarters of the musical, the actors and (maybe) one piece of furniture are all that's on the stage. The rest of the backgrounds are provided by projections. On very rare occasions, this looks realistic. Most of the time it's as unconvincing as the show itself. Remember how I complained about the poor lighting in Elisabeth (2005)? Mozart! would have benefited from lighting like that.

The high point of this musical is the music. In fact, if you're interested in this musical, I'd advise you to not bother watching it at all but to listen to the songs instead. You'll get the good without the bad or the ugly.

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube with English subtitles. My grasp of spoken German is poor, but I understand enough to suspect the subtitles take liberties with the meaning of some lines.

Rating: The story gets 3/10, the costumes, sets and historical accuracy get 1/10, and the songs get 6/10. I'll leave it to someone with a better grasp of maths to work out what the average rating is 😊

Review: Elisabeth das Musical (Vienna, 2005)

I decided that I really don't like Middlemarch enough to review it yet, so instead I'm going to review something I do like. And Monday was the 26th anniversary of Elisabeth's premiere, so this seems like a good time for this review!

Unlike the other works I've reviewed so far, Elisabeth isn't a series, book or manga. It's a stage musical, and this version is a filmed stage performance that was released on DVD.

So, what is Elisabeth? It's a German musical, the most successful German musical ever made actually, and it's about Empress Elisabeth of Austria (aka Sisi/Sissi). It's a very fictionalised account of her life, involving an invented romance with Death himself, narrated by the man who murdered her.

(Yes, it's weird.)

You probably won't recognise any of the actors unless you're a fan of European theatre, so I won't bother listing them.

Now, onto the story itself. Elisabeth is a sung-through musical like Les Misérables, so it's impossible to talk about the plot without mentioning the songs. Some of the songs; listing of all them would take too long.

Spoilers ahead, but if you know Austrian history then you already know the biggest spoilers.

The show starts with Luigi Lucheni, Elisabeth's murderer, posthumously trying to defend his actions in what appears to be a sort of Purgatory. He summons the ghosts of people who knew Elisabeth, and then Death himself appears.

Lucheni

The ghosts

Der Tod/Death (What was the costume designer thinking? Other productions have Death in much less comical costumes than that... frilly... thing.)

It should be obvious that this show has a rather... unusual personification of Death. He isn't a skeleton, he doesn't wear a cape, and he doesn't have a scythe. Instead he kills people by kissing them.

Elisabeth herself appears for the first time in the second song. (For some reason she's nowhere to be seen in the prologue. Strange, since it's all about her.)

Elisabeth

Her father is about to leave to avoid a family gathering, and Elisabeth wants to go with him. At said family gathering, Elisabeth's mother announces that her sister Hélène is going to marry Emperor Franz Joseph. (Is that spelt "Joseph" or "Josef"? I've seen both spellings used, even in biographies, so who knows 🤷) Elisabeth interrupts by performing a circus trick, that goes horribly wrong and leads to her falling to her death.

No points for guessing who turns up.

Why is the stage so incredibly poorly-lit half the time? I know, atmosphere and all that. But for heaven's sake can't it be brighter and atmospheric at the same time?

Elisabeth and Death, in better lighting.

Death arrives to take Elisabeth's soul. Then they fall in love at first sight, so he changes his mind and lets her live.

Two scenes after this, Elisabeth meets Franz Joseph and falls in love at first sight with him. It's obvious from the start that this is a terrible idea. The necklace he gives her looks like a noose. Their wedding music sounds like a funeral march. The guests and in-laws talk about how Elisabeth isn't suited for life in Vienna. Death gate-crashing the wedding is just the icing on the cake.

Der letzte Tanz (The Last Dance)

Every musical has at least one song that stands out. Elisabeth has several of them, and this is the first one. It's the song Death sings during the aforementioned gate-crashing, and it's all about how Elisabeth is going to hate married life and how she'll be his in the end, set to a tune that'll stay in your head for weeks.

This version of "Der letzte Tanz" isn't my favourite. It's weird, because the song is one of my favourites in the show, and Máté Kamarás is one of my favourite actors to play Death, but... I just don't like his version of "Der letzte Tanz".

Anyway, moving on. Elisabeth's mother-in-law Sophie sets out to make Elisabeth's life hell. Franz Joseph, mummy's boy that he is, runs away when his wife asks for help.

Ich gehör nur mir (I Belong Only to Myself)

Elisabeth is Not Impressed by Franz Joseph, so she sings a (really, really awesome) song about how she belongs to herself.

Poor lighting strikes again! Why are the characters (sometimes) brightly-lit when the stage around them is almost completely dark?

It took me several months and about twenty different productions to realise that this song is a bit like "Let It Go" from Frozen. Thematically, but also because both songs end up being contradicted by events later in the musical. Elsa can't let go of the past because of the consequences of her actions. Elisabeth doesn't belong to herself in the end; she dies and belongs to Death.

I'd better stop that line of thought right there before we get completely sidetracked.

Things don't go well for Elisabeth after this, as Lucheni is delighted to tell us. She has two children, but Sophie takes both of them away. Elisabeth gets Franz Joseph to intervene, and then one of her children dies. Naturally, Death takes this opportunity to gloat and insist Elisabeth loves him more than her husband.

Death is a creep (a creep who kills children!), Franz Joseph is a coward (when his mother's involved, at least)... Really, Elisabeth would be better off without either of them.

Things don't get better after Rudolf's birth. Sophie is still determined to interfere, when she refuses to let Rudolf visit Elisabeth.

Rudolf and Sophie

Elisabeth finds out about this and gives Franz Joseph an ultimatum. Guess who sees this as the perfect time to visit?

I guess he gets points for persistence, if nothing else...

Death nearly gets Elisabeth to give in (read: die), but she snaps out of it in time and tells him to get out.

Elisabeth becomes obsessed with the only part of her life she can control: her appearance. She begins a bizarre beauty regime that involves excessive dieting and things like steaks being placed on her cheeks(!). The weirdest thing about this is that apparently it's all true.

Franz Joseph decides to let her raise Rudolf (and their other children, but the musical seems to have forgotten they had any other children). Elisabeth appears, wearing (a version of) her famous Sternenkleid (Star-dress). And of course, Death appears too.

This scene would be more impressive if the stage was better-lit. (Yes, I am still annoyed about that!) What genius decided that Franz Joseph should get more light than Elisabeth? And Death might as well be a floating head. Most annoying.

Act 2 begins with Elisabeth and Franz Joseph being crowned King and Queen of Hungary. Lucheni takes this chance to ham it up more than usual, the Hungarian people are delighted with their new queen, and of course Death invites himself along.

Wenn ich tanzen will (When I Want to Dance)

The real love story of this musical is the composer/catchy songs. Almost every single song in the show is ridiculously memorable, and will come back to you at the worst possible moment. (Case in point: I caught myself humming "Kitsch" while waiting for a job interview.) "Wenn ich tanzen will" is one of the most memorable. Which is ironic, because (as far as I can tell from bootlegs) it was only added to the show in 2001.

For once Elisabeth gets to gloat at Death: she's victorious and he had nothing to do with it. He tries to regain control over her, but she evades him and leaves triumphantly.

Mama, wo bist du? (Mama, Where Are You?)

Now Death gets to be especially creepy. Elisabeth and Franz Joseph are more or less ignoring Rudolf. The poor kid is all alone and wondering where his mother is. Death visits and convinces Rudolf that he's his friend. What's weirdest is that it's actually... sort of adorable. In a scary way.

Aww... Whoops, I mean get away from him, Rudolf!

In this scene Rudolf also says that he killed a cat. Every time I hear this I nearly lose all sympathy for him. "This little brat kills cats? You can have him, Death! You're welcome to him!" Neglectful parents and a hellish grandmother are not an excuse for animal cruelty, Rudolf.

Elisabeth's life becomes worse and worse, culminating in Sophie sending Franz Joseph to a brothel to break Elisabeth's influence over him. (This is a scene I always skip, for the same reasons that I always skip "Lovely Ladies" in Les Misérables.)

In the next scene Elisabeth collapses. Death, disguised as a doctor, tells her that her husband's adultery has given her an STD. This is the death knell (pun intended) of Elisabeth and Franz Joseph's marriage. She leaves Vienna and spends years travelling.

Die Schatten werden länger (The Shadows Grow Longer)

Rudolf is now a depressed, unhappy adult who disagrees with the way Franz Joseph rules but can't do anything about it. Death visits and offers a solution: suicide. Rudolf breaks free from his influence at the end of the song. But if you know history, you already know how this will end...

"Die Schatten werden länger" is probably the main Villain Song of Elisabeth. It's awesome, it's (very) memorable, and it's terrifying. Rudolf sees Death as his friend, and Death wants to kill him. That's scary enough on its own. But take away the supernatural aspect, and you get someone who doesn't care for their "friend" at all and is just using them. How many times does that happen in real life? *shudders*

After this Rudolf has a confrontation with Franz Joseph, which for some reason involves Franz Joseph standing in a... giant crown? (This is a perfect example of why the Vienna stagings aren't my favourite versions of the show. They take symbolism so far that it stops being symbolism and becomes a confusing distraction.)

And the lighting is still terrible. Did someone forget to pay the electricity bill?

This is followed by "Hass" ("Hate"), another song I always skip. It's several minutes of Nazis (alright, so they weren't called that then, but that's what they are) marching around the stage, attacking Jews and complaining about Elisabeth and Rudolf.

Rudolf begs Elisabeth for help. She turns him away. And this is the part I always dread. Death appears (dressed as a woman, for reasons I never understood until I realised it's symbolism again) and gives Rudolf a gun. And Rudolf kills himself. Noooooo 😭😭

Rudolf, wo bist du? (Rudolf, Where Are You?)

One of the fun (read: heartbreaking) things about Elisabeth is that it reprises songs in the worst possible ways. "Mama, wo bist du?"/"Rudolf, wo bist du?" is possibly the best (read: most agonising) example.

Elisabeth finally realises how she neglected and abandoned her son, and begs Death to take her. And then Death, who has spent the entire show trying to convince Elisabeth to die, rejects her and says he doesn't want her. Why the sudden change of heart, Death?

The Takarazuka productions explain it as Death wanting Elisabeth to join him because she loves him, not because she's given up. I'm not sure if I agree with that interpretation or not. The German-language productions don't give any explanation at all, and it's up to the viewer to guess if Death has lost interest in Elisabeth, or if he never cared for her at all, or if there's some other reason.

Franz Joseph and Elisabeth have a final meeting, and Elisabeth tells him they were never meant to be together. True, but it's surprisingly sad to watch. Death and Franz Joseph meet in a nightmare sequence. Death insists that he loves Elisabeth and will set her free... by giving Lucheni a murder weapon. That is not how you show love, Death!

Lucheni stabs Elisabeth. This time Elisabeth accepts Death. It's surprisingly sweet, considering how deeply messed up both of them are.

No. #1 on my list of "Things That Shouldn't be Adorable but Totally Are"

But then Death ruins everything (is anyone surprised by this point?) and apparently kills Elisabeth with his kiss. And then hands her body to his backup dancers (okay, so their official name is "Todesengel"/"Death's Angels", but I always think of them as "Death's Backup Dancers") to carry off to her coffin.

This is not my favourite version of the ending. It looks like Death cared nothing for Elisabeth after all, when his love for her motivates his actions in the musical.

Anyway, my overall opinion of both the musical and this version.

The musical is awesome no matter what version you watch. But some are more awesome than others. The Vienna productions in my opinion are among the less awesome versions. They're so full of symbolism and general weirdness that they end up distracting from the actual story.

I'm also not a fan of the scene order in the Vienna versions. It makes very little sense, plot-wise, for "Nichts, nichts, gar nichts" to take place immediately after "Mama, wo bist du?". "Nichts" makes more sense placed after "Die rastlosen Jahre", when Elisabeth has a definite reason to be miserable. Same goes for "Streit Vater und Sohn" being placed after "Die Schatten werden länger"; Rudolf's desperation makes much more sense when we've seen Franz Joseph dismiss him. And then there's the staging of the ending, and the terrible lighting.

(That last one seems to be just a problem with the DVD, though. The 1992 Vienna version had much better lighting, even though it made everything blue for some reason, and bootlegs of other shows from the Vienna revival also have better lighting. Apparently the DVD makes the lighting look worse than it was. Weird.)

But enough about the musical and the Vienna stagings in general. Now to talk about this version. Specifically, the actors in this version.

(Be prepared for a very long, rambling essay on this subject.)

I've already said that Máté Kamarás is one of my favourite Deaths. His version of the character is so dramatic and energetic and over-the-top that it's impossible not to like him. And unlike some Deaths (*cough*Mark Seibert*cough*) he genuinely seems to love Elisabeth. A very obsessive, unhealthy sort of love, but probably the closest Death can get to loving anyone.

Serkan Kaya is unquestionably my favourite Lucheni. He's sarcastic, bitter, funny -- everything a Lucheni should be. But he isn't just the snarky narrator; there are moments when he shows a deeper side to his character, and acts as if he almost regrets murdering Elisabeth.

Fritz Schmid is a pretty good Rudolf, though I wouldn't say he's my favourite Rudolf. His hair always makes me giggle when he first appears. (Which is a problem, because of when he first appears...) Seriously, what is that hairstyle? The historical Rudolf didn't have curly hair, judging by the pictures I've seen of him, and neither do the musical's Rudolfs... except this one. Strange.

Sophie is a character who's incredibly hard to like, but if I had to chose a favourite actress to play her, I'd probably pick Else Ludwig. She manages to perfectly portray Sophie's strictness and certainty that she's always right and Elisabeth is always wrong.

There's nothing wrong with Maya Hakvoort's portrayal of Elisabeth, but I've never been able to warm to her version of the character. I don't know why. Maybe it's because she's obviously too old to be convincing as young!Elisabeth, or maybe it's just because she's not Pia Douwes (...but neither is Mari Hanafusa, and I love her Elisabeth 🤷).

Nothing against André Bauer, but Franz Joseph is one of those characters whose every action annoys me. I haven't found a single actor who's made the character less irritating.

The rest of the cast are just there in the background, if that makes any sense. None of them stand out, but none of them are terrible either.

So, what's my overall opinion? The musical is great, and while this isn't my favourite version of it, there are far worse productions out there. *side-eyes that bizarre Thun production* Next to the 1992 Vienna version, this is probably the best-known and most-watched production of Elisabeth. So it's definitely worth watching!

Is it available online?: Yes, here is a version with (not always great) English subtitles. You can also find versions without English subtitles, if you speak German or already know the plot.

Rating: The musical itself gets 9/10. This version gets 7/10.