Review: The Pirates of Penzance (1983)

Logically this is the sort of film I should hate. In fact I probably would hate it... if it wasn't so genuinely and intentionally funny in how ludicrous it is.

The Pirates of Penzance is a 1983 film based on the 1880 opera by Gilbert and Sullivan. Apparently there are some differences between the music in the film and the opera, but the plot is the same.

I only recognised two actors:
Kevin Kline (Maurice in that horrific Beauty and the Beast remake) as the Pirate King
Angela Lansbury (Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd 1982) as Ruth

The plot is exactly the comedic absurdity you'd expect from a Gilbert and Sullivan opera. A mix-up leads to Frederic becoming an apprentice pirate. Our story begins on the day he's released from his apprenticeship (or so he thinks). As soon as he lands on the shore he meets Mabel, daughter of the very model of a modern Major-General, and they fall in love at first sight. Unfortunately Mabel's father does not approve. Hilarity ensues.

From every standpoint -- except the cast and their singing abilities -- this film should be a catastrophe. The picture is of roughly the same quality as my webcam, and the cameraman (like the majority of 1980s cameramen) had apparently never used a camera before. There are moments that make me wonder if the director thought he was adapting Alice in Wonderland instead of The Pirates of Penzance. The film's so absurd it often comes perilously close to later abominations like Moulin Rouge! and Anna Karenina.

And yet to paraphrase a quote I saw on Tumblr, I can't praise it in any way except by saying I loved every minute. I laughed so much I got a stitch in my side. The songs are so catchy that I still can't get them out of my head.

If you want something to cheer you up, try this film! It's one of the best cures for a bad mood I've ever seen.

Rating: 8/10.

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube.

Review: The Mikado (English National Opera, 2015)

Well. This was not what I was expecting from a performance of The Mikado.

That's got to be the blandest title-card I've ever seen. Could no one be bothered to design something better? Something that didn't look like a business's logo?

The Mikado is an operetta by Gilbert and Sullivan, first performed in 1885. It's been staged many times and translated into many languages.

Opera isn't something I watch a lot of, so I didn't recognise any of the actors.

As you might have guessed from the title, it's set in Japan. A very fictionalised Japan, that bears no resemblance to the real country; it's actually a satire of England but given an exotic setting. This particular version apparently missed that fact and just set it in England... without changing any of the references to Japan 😖

Picture this, if you will. You've clicked on a video of The Mikado. The music plays, the curtain rises... and this is what meets your eyes:

If you're anything like me your response is, "There must be some mistake! This can't be the right video!"

The video helpfully provides subtitles/lyrics to the songs. (Unfortunately they can't be turned off, and they don't always match what's being sung.) So if you're too amazed by this sight to process what the people pictured above are saying, the subtitles translate for you. "If you want to know who we are" (Yes, I do actually!) "We are gentlemen of Japan." (Sure you are. And I'm the Queen of Sheba.)

I was so bewildered by this spectacle that I had to pause the video and search the comments for some explanation. Turns out, at some point in the past the English National Opera had the genius idea to set The Mikado in 1930s England. Whaaaaaat. This is a revival of that version. Once wasn't enough? They had to revive it?

Well, at least I knew I wasn't watching the wrong video. I pressed play, and steeled myself for a painful two hours. This was not what I had in mind when I decided to watch a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta.

The weirdness gets even worse when Nanki-Poo arrives. To start with, he looks like a Jeeves and Wooster character who was standing next to a make-up shop when it exploded.

Someone call Madame Tussauds. One of their waxworks is missing.

Everyone's make-up is utterly terrible here. It can't be stage make-up; I've seen other stage shows that don't make their actors look like walking mannequins.

After a while the insanity of the staging almost faded into the background and I managed to focus on the plot. I even found plenty of intentionally funny things to laugh at. Every word Pooh-Ba says had me in stitches 😆 ("Another insult, and I think a light one" is a line I really want to use in real life some day 😄) The trouble is, some new absurdity forces its way on stage with every scene change, and some are harder to ignore than others. For some reason the thing that especially drives me round the bend is "Lord Hey Executioner". Excuse me! That is not how you pronounce "High"! 😒 If that was an attempt at a joke, it fell flat.

Very few of the characters made any impression on me. I noticed them mostly for how bizarre they looked. Katisha's hat might not take the cake, but it certainly takes a good few slices. And I spent at least five minutes trying to decide if the Mikado is wearing a barrel.

Katisha's hat, the very latest fashion on Mars. Oh, and Katisha herself is there too.

There are so many strange things in this screencap that I don't know where to start. The guy on the left who's stolen Stan Laurel's hat? The servants wearing small buckets on their heads? The Mikado who's almost indistinguishable from a tub of lard? And last but by no means least, that... circular... object... in the foreground? Words fail.

As ridiculous as this production is, at least the music and singing are consistently good. Alas, this wasn't enough to make me feel any interest in the characters or the plot. I'd much rather watch a more traditional production of The Mikado, one which doesn't look like the entire production team were drunk.

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube, if for some reason you want to watch it.

Rating: 2/10.