(Not Really a) Review: Films I Watch at Christmas

🎵It's the most wonderful time of the year...🎵 And I'm so busy with Christmas preparations that I haven't time to write a proper review. So instead I'm doing a short list: my five favourite films to watch at Christmas. (Note that I didn't say "Christmas films". They're so trite and repetitive nowadays that I hardly bother watching any films specifically called Christmas films.)

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) is at the top of almost everyone's list of favourite Christmas films. And with very good reason. Sure, it's unrealistic and often silly. But it's so cute and heartwarming that I love it anyway.

Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983) is a bit of an oddity. It's an adaptation of A Christmas Carol, obviously, with Uncle Scrooge as Ebeneezer Scrooge (what a surprise!) and other Disney characters as everyone else. By all logic I shouldn't like it at all. I've never been able to like A Christmas Carol. But it's entertaining, and surprisingly sad in parts. So I enjoy it much more than I'd expect.

Prancer (1989) is one of those films that I love mainly because I watched it as a child. Rewatching it as an adult I can see it's not nearly as perfect as I used to think it was. But nostalgia means I still watch it every Christmas.

No, this isn't even remotely a Christmas-y film. But Beauty and the Beast (1991) is my all-time favourite Disney film and one of the best fairy-tale adaptations ever made. That's a pretty good reason to watch it at any time of the year.

What do you mean, this isn't a Christmas film? It's right there in the title! The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) is a wonderfully creepy film that I love watching all through the year. At Christmas and Halloween I just watch it even more than usual 😄

And now, "Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night"!

Review: Corpse Bride (2005)

Halloween is just around the corner! If you're anything like me, that means you're rewatching your favourite spooky films. This is one of mine.

Corpse Bride is a 2005 stop-motion animated film, based on a Russian folktale. It's very similar in appearance and atmosphere to The Nightmare Before Christmas. But it isn't a sequel or spin-off of Nightmare. I made that mistake when I first watched it and spent much of the film wondering why no one mentioned Halloween Town. (In my defence, I was eleven.)

Like a lot of my reviews, this is basically a rambling list of things I liked or disliked about the film. Right up at the top of the "things I liked" list: the theme music. It's so beautifully eerie! I'm not so enthusiastic about some of the songs, but more about that later.

The plot revolves around Victor, who's engaged to marry Victoria, but who accidentally ends up married to Emily instead. Problem is, Emily's dead. And she drags Victor down to the land of the dead after their "marriage". Meanwhile, Victoria's loathsome parents try to marry her off to the repulsive Lord Barkis. It all works out in the end... sort of.

Emily and Victor

The characters are extremely stylised to the point of being caricatures. It fits such a spooky film, but some people might find it off-putting. Victor, Emily and Victoria aren't too bad, but the less said about the utterly hideous background characters, the better. This film manages to make you wish most of the characters were skeletons just so they'd look normal. Case in point: Victoria's parents.

...I'll let this picture speak for itself.

Can't say I like all the songs. Some are memorable, while others dive into speak-singing. As for some of the singers... how should I put this? Let's just say, singing is not their greatest talent.

Even though Emily's not trying to hurt Victor, her first appearance is pretty darn creepy 😨 Especially when he turns around and she's right there! But once you get used to the creepiness of the corpses, they're actually more likable than most of the living characters. They're certainly funnier, in a very dark sort of way. And the scene where they return to the land of the living is priceless 😆

This is pretty dark for a family film, and that's reflected in its humour. Almost all the funny moments are black comedy of some sort. (The only real exception is that town crier who's determined to humiliate Victor.) Who'd have thought a maggot living in a corpse's head would be so hilarious? On a much more serious note, who'd have thought that a film aimed at children would include a character who murdered his bride-to-be? 😱

I don't like this film quite as much as The Nightmare Before Christmas, but it's still a good film, and perfect for watching in October.

Is it available online?: No, I don't think so.

Rating: 7/10.

Review: Howl's Moving Castle (2004)

Finally, after several years of thinking "I should watch this" and promptly forgetting to, I sat down and watched this film. It isn't what I expected.

Howl's Moving Castle is a 2004 animated film by Studio Ghibli, based on Diana Wynne Jones' novel of the same name. There's both a Japanese version and a version dubbed into English. I watched the Japanese version with English subtitles.

I wrote this review while watching the film, so it's basically a list of things I thought as I watched it. Probably not a coherent list, but anyway.

The moving castle is the very first thing we see in the film. It looks a lot more monstrous and dilapidated than I pictured it in the book. (Admittedly, I haven't read the book since I reviewed it a while ago. I'm sure I've forgotten a few things.)

...Why are there planes flying around? I definitely don't remember them in the book 😒 To say nothing of all the trains, cars and steam-powered buses. And the soldiers everywhere. Clearly the film has changed quite a lot.

They kept Sophie and Howl's first meeting! But changed the circumstances. I'm torn between cheering at Howl protecting Sophie, and grumbling at the difference from the book. At least the flying scene is cool. That's one change I actually don't mind.

After Sophie leaves Lettie we get a weird scene of two masked puppets(?) carrying a sedan chair. Then someone in the chair gathers black sludge(??) wearing hats(???) into a jug(????). What in the world is happening? I assume this is the Witch of the Waste's first appearance, but it left me scratching my head.

I love the animation! There are a few scenes where I completely forgot about what was happening and focused on how incredibly beautiful the animation is 😍 Makes it all the more jarring when the Witch of the Waste appears. She's utterly revolting, even more than I imagined in the book!

Like in the book, the Witch of the Waste curses Sophie and turns her into an old woman. Like in the book, this leads to her staying with Howl. And like in the book, she meets the scarecrow along the way. I was expecting the scarecrow to look at least mildly frightening. Instead he's actually almost cute. The constant grin is rather off-putting, though.

Calcifer is also a lot cuter than I expected. But he's just as funny as his book counterpart 😄 For some reason Michael is a small child instead of a teenager. This is another change I definitely don't approve of. Why did they make such an unnecessary change, anyway? And what's all this about a war?

Howl's reaction to Sophie inviting herself into the castle is much calmer than I expected. They aren't nearly as sarcastic to each other here as in the book. Very disappointing 😞

What on earth is that scene where Howl-as-a-bird is chased by bats wearing hats? Clearly the film treats the book's plot as a guideline that it isn't essential to follow. It's never a good sign when an adaptation has that attitude.

The film hasn't explained yet that Sophie is a witch too, so the scene where she's returned to her real appearance makes no sense 😒 Especially when seconds later she's an old woman again. The film also doesn't explain what's going on with this war they've added to the plot. The book managed just fine without airships dropping bombs and flyers; why did the film decide it needed them?

Howl is as dramatic as his book counterpart, even though he's not as sarcastic. I roared with laughter when he throws a fit after dying his hair 😆 And I liked his post-tantrum conversation with Sophie. Especially when he comes up with the "pretend you're my mother" scheme.

I don't remember any Madame Suliman in the book. What happened to Mrs. Penstemmon? And why is there yet another villain when we already have the Witch of the Waste and Miss Angorian (who apparently isn't in the film)? As for that weird fireworks display and Howl turning into a bird... the mind boggles. This was the moment when I stopped expecting the film to be anything like the book.

For some reason the Witch of the Waste loses her memory and ends up in Howl's castle. Goodness knows why. And Sophie switches back to her young self apparently without noticing it, for reasons that aren't explained. Or is that a dream sequence? I've given up trying to understand this film.

I love the scene where Howl and Calcifer change the castle's interior! And Howl showing Sophie the field of flowers is so cute 😍

Those blob-shadow things are disgusting to look at, and their attack on the castle is pretty horrifying 😨 Exactly nothing in the film's climax is in the book; not the bombs, not Howl as some sort of bird monster, not the blob men, not the Witch of the Waste lounging around in Howl's castle. I try to remind myself the film isn't a faithful adaptation, but this still grates on me.

At least the end is sort of like the book's. The scarecrow's curse is broken, the Witch of the Waste won't cause any more trouble, and Howl and Sophie will live happily ever after.

I didn't enjoy this film nearly as much as I expected to. I thought it would be close to the book, but instead it has the same characters and a different plot. Maybe if I hadn't read the book I'd enjoy it more. As it is, though, I kept getting annoyed by all the differences.

Is it available online?: Not as far as I know.

Rating: 6/10.

Review: How To Train Your Dragon (2010)

Some people have the frankly ridiculous idea that animated films can only be enjoyed by children. Those people have clearly never seen this film, or its sequels.

How to Train Your Dragon is a 2010 film based on the book of the same name by Cressida Cowell. It was followed by two sequels and several cartoon series.

I hadn't even heard of the books when I first watched this film. All I saw was "dragon" in the title, and thought it might be worth watching. Before any of the characters even appeared I decided I liked it based on the music alone. And before long it became one of my favourite non-Disney films.

As you can probably guess from the title, the film is about a boy who trains a dragon. Well, sort of. That's only part of it. The main character has the improbable name of Hiccup(!), and he lives in a village of Vikings that bear little resemblance to actual Vikings. Not least because they're constantly under attack by dragons. Instead of talking more about the plot, this review will be mostly a rambling list of things I like about the film.

Hiccup's "This is Berk" monologue has gotten so firmly stuck in my head that I could recite it from memory 😄 I especially love "It's located solidly on the meridian of misery". (I've been to a few places that fit that description!)

There's no denying this film has its pretty goofy moments, even during the dragon attack. The teenagers walking in front of a fireball is so over-the-top that it's hilarious. But unlike some films the goofiness doesn't distract from the more serious parts, like Toothless's first appearance. Not even knowing Hiccup will befriend him later makes his attack any less dramatic.

How did Hiccup see Toothless before his next attack? I have to lean reallllllly close to the screen and stare with all my might before I can spot him.

Hiccup and Toothless's first meeting gives me chills even though there's nothing truly frightening about it. (Although Hiccup might disagree!) The way Toothless lunges at Hiccup as soon as he's free is the only potentially scary part of the scene, and even then you just have to look at the film's title to know Hiccup's in no danger. But there's something so eerie about Toothless watching as Hiccup talks about killing him. The music just adds to it.

The music is incredible all through the film. Even if you aren't interested in the film, you should definitely listen to its soundtrack. (Why did it not win an award? 😒)

Astrid and the other teenagers (with the exception of Fishlegs) are my least favourite characters for most of the film. The way they treat Hiccup always makes me furious! At least Astrid becomes more likable later. (In the second film she actually becomes my third-favourite character after Hiccup and Toothless!) Can't say the same for Snotlout or the twins. Or Stoick, for that matter. Good intentions don't excuse the way he ignores Hiccup. And the way he literally brushes him aside after the disastrous fight... 😠

"Forbidden Friendship" is the cutest scene in the film, with some of the best music in an already great score. I love how Toothless watches Hiccup drawing then decides "I'm going to do that too!"

Toothless and Hiccup

I roared with laughter when Hiccup gets dragged along on Toothless's flight 😆 And everything about the dragon training scenes is hilarious when no one can understand how Hiccup knows so much about dragons! To say nothing of the time Astrid almost catches him and Toothless 😆

"Test Drive" is awesome and terrifying 😨 Even when I know they'll be all right, I shudder when Hiccup falls off Toothless. How in the world did Hiccup get them safely through those rocks? *shudders*

Of the two characters I started off disliking and only grew to like later, Astrid only becomes less obnoxious after her flight with Hiccup and Toothless. Stoick takes even longer to undergo character development, but more about that later.

Most of the film is relatively light-hearted. All that changes the minute the Red Death appears. (What's that thing's name? The book calls it the Green Death, but the film's Wikipedia entry calls it the Red Death. As if that's not confusing enough, it isn't green or red.) Not many films manage such a change in tone very well. Not even this one. It has just enough violence beforehand that more violence isn't completely shocking. Yet nothing earlier in the film prepared the viewer for the Red Death's existence, let alone everything that follows. It's not quite as bad as the uneven tone of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but it's jarring.

Things get even more depressing pretty quickly. I cry every time Toothless is captured 😢 And "You're not my son" is the saddest line in the film 😭

Okay, so it's unrealistic that the captive dragons would be willing to let the teenagers ride them after attacking them during training. But it's cool enough that I just don't care 😄

The fight with the Red Death is one of those scenes that are frightening even while they make me cheer. Stoick finally stops being a jerk! Hiccup and Toothless get the Red Death to follow them! They use its own fire-breathing against it! And then it turns into a fireball 😨

The aftermath of the battle is so sad 😭 So is the moment when Hiccup realises what happened to him 😭😭 But then the film practically forgets about this when he discovers Berk is full of dragons. There are two major flaws with the ending. First, we don't get to see much of Hiccup's reaction to losing a leg. Second, Stoick's a jerk for so long that his welcoming all the dragons into the village comes out of nowhere. (Same goes for all the other villagers who suddenly have no problem with this, too.) The mending of his relationship with Hiccup makes sense, but the other part stretches my suspension of disbelief.

In spite of that, I love the film's ending. Hiccup's second "This is Berk" monologue is the perfect way to show how much things have changed since the start. And Hiccup and Toothless flying up into the sky is one of my favourite final scenes of any film!

Obviously the film doesn't stick too closely to the book. For once this is a very good thing. The book is frankly boring. The film definitely isn't. I recommend it to anyone who likes fantasy, dragons, amazing music, or just an enjoyable film -- especially if you think you're too old to watch animated films. It might just change your mind.

Is it available online?: Not as far as I know.

Rating: 9/10.

Review: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Halloween is approaching (and Christmas preparations won't be far behind), so what better time for this review?

Most people have probably heard of The Nightmare Before Christmas. It's a stop-motion film based on a poem by Tim Burton (but it wasn't directed by him, despite what many people think). You know all those "monsters steal Christmas" films? This is one of them, from the perspective of the monsters.

The story starts in Halloween Town. Jack Skellington has grown tired of scaring people, and wants something different. Then he stumbles into Christmas Town.

Jack in Christmas Town.
(Side note: it took me an embarrassingly long time to realise his surname is a pun on "skeleton". In my defence, "skeleton" and "skellington" sound nothing alike in my accent.)

He decides that the citizens of Halloween Town should take over Christmas for a year. So he kidnaps Santa (who's then kidnapped again by Oogie Boogie the boogeyman), and the monsters try to make their own version of Christmas. Sally, Jack's love interest, tries to convince them that this is a terrible idea, and ends up captured by Oogie Boogie too.

The monsters making Christmas

Oogie Boogie. Easily the scariest monster in the film.

Sally

Jack takes Santa's place and delivers the monstrous toys to children. It goes exactly as well as you'd think. It ends with the military shooting Jack and his "sleigh" out of the sky. Jack finally realises what an idiot he's been, and sets out to find Santa and put things right.

He rescues Santa and Sally, kills Oogie Boogie (yay!), and apologises for the mess he's made. Santa undoes the chaos Jack caused. The people of Halloween Town celebrate. Everything's back to normal... and Jack finally realises he loves Sally. Took you long enough, Jack!

My overall opinion? I loved the film when I first saw it years ago, and I still love it. It's hilarious and scary and heartwarming, and Jack and Sally are surprisingly adorable for a skeleton and a ragdoll. Oogie Boogie is exactly as creepy as the Boogeyman should be. The residents of Halloween Town are so funny with their well-meaning trouble-making, and the ending always makes me go "aww!".

Is it available online?: Not as far as I know.

Rating: 8/10.

Review: Beauty and the Beast (1991)

There are some films that I simply adore. Beauty and the Beast is one of them. From the hauntingly beautiful opening to the adorable ending, it's one of the best films Disney has ever made. So what better movie to choose for my first review of an animated film?

Almost everyone knows the story of BATB. Girl falls in love with Beast, Beast is a prince under a spell, Beast turns back into prince and marries girl, they live happily ever after. It may surprise many people, then, to hear that the best-known version of the fairy-tale is not very close to the original. Beauty and the Beast (or La Belle et la Bête, in the original French) was written in 1740 by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve, though there were earlier stories with similar plots -- Cupid and Psyche, anyone?

In the original version, Beauty and the Beast were cousins, Beauty was the daughter of a king and a good fairy, another fairy tried to murder Beauty, and the Beast's mother left him in the care of an evil fairy. Why yes, the original version is weird, why do you ask? With that in mind, it's really not surprising that the Disney version follows the better-known plot.

Anyway, on to the story. It's so well-known that I'll just skim over it.

The story begins with a truly beautiful prologue, accompanied by some of the best music ever heard in a Disney film. The narrator tells us how a selfish prince was turned into a beast, and will only change back if he can learn to love, and be loved in return.

Then we meet Belle.

From her first appearance Belle became my favourite Disney princess. I think it's because she reminds me most of myself. She's a bookworm, she longs for adventure, she doesn't fit in with the people around her...

Anyway, Gaston wants to marry Belle, and she wants nothing to do with him. ("I just... don't deserve you!" 😆) Then her father Maurice gets lost in the woods and finds the Beast's castle. Belle goes in search of him and meets the Beast. She agrees to become his prisoner in exchange for her father's freedom.

Maurice goes back to the village and tries to get help. No one believes him when he tells them about the Beast, but Gaston makes an evil plan. If Belle doesn't marry him, he'll use Maurice's apparent madness to have him locked up in the asylum.

Meanwhile, Belle meets the Beast's servants, wanders into the forbidden West Wing, runs away and is attacked by wolves, and is saved by the Beast. This is the beginning of a friendship between them, which slowly becomes love.

Most girls want Belle's dress or happy ending. I want that library!

The servants are delighted with this turn of events, especially because it'll mean they become human again. (Some versions of the film add a song called "Human Again" that's all about this. Some people like it. I'm just "meh" about it. It's not terrible, but it doesn't add much to the film that isn't already in "Something There".)

And this is a perfect moment to mention my favourite song in the entire film, and therefore my favourite Disney song ever:

Beauty and the Beast

Belle and the Beast dance together, while Mrs. Potts sings this awesome song. It's beautiful, it's memorable, and it perfectly sums up the entire story. Every time I watch the film I replay this song again and again until my parents tell me to stop.

The Beast shows Belle a magic mirror that lets her see the outside world. She sees that Maurice has gone looking for her and is now ill. The Beast lets her go, in a scene that's simultaneously heartwarming and tragic. He has no chance of becoming human again if Belle leaves, but he loves her so he lets her go anyway. Aww... and ouch.

Belle finds Maurice, and Gaston finds them. He tries to put his plan in action. But he's foiled when Belle uses the magic mirror to show everyone the Beast, proving her father's sane. Gaston then convinces everyone that the Beast is a monster and will kill their children, and leads a mob to attack the castle. The servants deal with the mob, while Gaston tries to kill the Beast.

This is the part that always makes me cry. Gaston dies, but he stabs the Beast. And Belle has to watch him apparently die in front of her.

😭😭

But wait! Belle says she loves him just in time, and the spell's broken! The Beast comes back to life and turns into the prince!

And they all live happily ever after 😍

My overall opinion of the film can be summed up in one word: amazing. From beginning to end there isn't a single thing I dislike. Well, I loathe Gaston, but that's the reaction he's supposed to get. The gradual change in Belle and the Beast from hostility to love is portrayed so well that it's completely believable.

Is it available online?: I don't think so, but maybe it is somewhere.

Rating: 10/10.