Review: War and Peace (2016)

This is the third version of War and Peace I've tried. The others are the book itself and a sadly boring opera. This is the only one I've finished -- which says more about how short it is than about its quality.

War and Peace is a 2016 miniseries based on the novel of the same name. BBC period dramas are usually good. This is a notable exception.

I recognised several actors:

Lily James (Ella in Cinderella 2015) as Natasha

Tuppence Middleton (Amelia Haversham in Dickensian) as Helene

Stephen Rea (Inspector Bucket in Dickensian) as Vassily

Callum Turner (Theseus in The Crimes of Grindelwald) as Anatole

Kenneth Cranham (Wegg in Our Mutual Friend 1998) as a minor character whose name I can't remember

Gillian Anderson (Lady Dedlock in Bleak House 2005) as Anna

When I gave up on trying to get through the book I wondered why Tolstoy is considered a good author. This series made me wonder even more. From what I've seen he's only notable for writing very long, very boring novels in which nothing ever happens.

Like the book itself the series suffers from a complete inability to decide who the main characters are and what the plot is. One minute the story follows the start of Pierre's disastrous marriage to Helene, the next it's about Napoleon's invasion, and the next everyone's at a party. None of these subplots ever feel like they belong in the same book/series. It's like someone -- either Tolstoy or the director -- tried and failed to imitate Dickens by thinking up as many subplots as possible.

One of the worst things are the costumes. Very few of them bear even the slightest resemblance to what people would actually have worn in the early nineteenth century. That alone makes it clear the series-makers just didn't care. Just as bad is the nudity and incest. I find it very, very hard to believe Tolstoy wrote about either, so for once the blame is entirely on the director/scriptwriter/whoever thought of that.

It wouldn't be so bad if I cared about the characters. Just one sympathetic character would be enough to keep me interested. But all of them are either dull or disgusting, and it was a real struggle to get through the whole series. Honestly I wish I hadn't bothered. It wasn't worth the time or effort.

Is it available online?: Who cares?

Rating: 1/10.

(Not Really a) Review: The Five Most Overrated Novels

After many weeks of struggling I've finally given up on War and Peace. I made it to chapter forty-seven. Honestly I shouldn't have bothered reading forty-seven sentences of it, let alone chapters. So, inspired by that disaster, I've made a list of the five most overrated novels I've suffered through.

Already reviewed here. From what I've seen, Leo Tolstoy either wasn't a good author, or the English translations of his novels do him a disservice. After being bored to tears by both Anna Karenina and War and Peace, I'm inclined to think it's the former.

Already reviewed here. Unlike the other examples on this list, Great Expectations is actually a good novel. It's just not as good as some people claim. And it's certainly not the best of Dickens' works.

Already reviewed here. The Turn of the Screw is the least frightening, most boring horror novel I've ever read. And it drags on for aaaaaaaaaaaages. It can't decide if it wants to be a novel or a short story, and only succeeds in being too short for one and too long for the other.

I can sum The Great Gatsby up in one word: Yawn. Heavy-handed symbolism, threadbare plot, revolting characters, interminable dullness... In short it has everything I don't want in a novel. Of course, those flaws are probably the reason it's considered a classic, because some people believe only the most boring books ever written should become classics.

Middlemarch was one of the books I read out of morbid curiosity rather than interest. The miniseries adaptation was so bad that I thought the book had to be better. It isn't. If anything it's worse. Nothing ever happens in the entire sorry saga. Chapter after chapter it stumbles along without even trying to keep the reader's attention. Eventually I gave up in despair.

(Of course there are many more novels I consider overrated, but these are the five that immediately spring to mind.)

(Not Really a) Review: First Impressions of War and Peace

Now that I have so much time on my hands I'm trying to read this infamously long book. So far it's slooooow going. (You could say that I'm trying, but I'm finding it very trying. *dodges thrown vegetables*)

In spite of being one of the best-known novels ever written, virtually no one knows what War and Peace is about. I'm almost twenty chapters in and I don't know what it's about either. It's supposed to be set during Napoleon's ill-fated invasion of Russia. But the invasion itself hasn't actually started yet. Instead of a wartime epic we're treated to the dull and plodding saga of Pierre Bezukhov, the Rostovs, and Prince Andrei, with guest appearances from some of the least memorable characters I've ever seen. Nothing actually happens in this saga. It's just a collection of conversations and scenes that feel more like a slice of life than an epic novel.

I have to say, it's a struggle to stay interested. It's even more of a struggle to keep track of who's who, who's related to whom, and who has more than one name. (Unfortunately almost everyone has more than one name.)

I'm tempted to either skip ahead to find where the war itself begins, or watch one of the more faithful adaptations and see if it can make the story interesting.

Will I finish the book? Will it become one of the few novels I abandoned in despair? Is it even worth the effort? I'll review it if I do manage to finish it -- something that looks increasingly unlikely. Until then, I'll try to get through a few more chapters.