(Not Really a) Review: First Impressions of War and Peace

Now that I have so much time on my hands I'm trying to read this infamously long book. So far it's slooooow going. (You could say that I'm trying, but I'm finding it very trying. *dodges thrown vegetables*)

In spite of being one of the best-known novels ever written, virtually no one knows what War and Peace is about. I'm almost twenty chapters in and I don't know what it's about either. It's supposed to be set during Napoleon's ill-fated invasion of Russia. But the invasion itself hasn't actually started yet. Instead of a wartime epic we're treated to the dull and plodding saga of Pierre Bezukhov, the Rostovs, and Prince Andrei, with guest appearances from some of the least memorable characters I've ever seen. Nothing actually happens in this saga. It's just a collection of conversations and scenes that feel more like a slice of life than an epic novel.

I have to say, it's a struggle to stay interested. It's even more of a struggle to keep track of who's who, who's related to whom, and who has more than one name. (Unfortunately almost everyone has more than one name.)

I'm tempted to either skip ahead to find where the war itself begins, or watch one of the more faithful adaptations and see if it can make the story interesting.

Will I finish the book? Will it become one of the few novels I abandoned in despair? Is it even worth the effort? I'll review it if I do manage to finish it -- something that looks increasingly unlikely. Until then, I'll try to get through a few more chapters.

Review: Nirvana in Fire

Who'd have thought? There are now four series I rate 10/10!

Some series require very little thought; I know them so well or they have such simple plots that they're easy to follow without paying attention. This is definitely not one of them. You need to concentrate on every minute of this series to fully understand how amazing it is. I've seen it four times and still keep finding things I missed.

Nirvana in Fire (琅琊榜/Láng Yá Bǎng, literally "Lang Ya List") is a 2015 Chinese series based on the novel of the same name by Yan Hai. It was followed by a 2017 sequel. (I watched the first five episodes of the sequel. Let's just say it's a fine example of why sequels can be very bad things. It's missing everything that made the first series so good.)

I only recognised three actors:
Hao Feng Cheng (Zhang Wenzheng in General and I) as Xiao Jingrui
Lei Wu (Yang Ping in Shadow 2018) as Fei Liu
Yu Jian Zhang (Pian Feng in Ice Fantasy) as Lie Zhanying

At first the story seems simple enough. Twelve years before the series begins, an army was massacred because they were falsely accused of treason. Mei Changsu was one of the few survivors. Ever since he's been planning his revenge. Now he's come to the capital to expose the corruption in the royal family, put his childhood friend Jingyan on the throne, and finally get justice. In the process he meets his former fiancée Nihuang again, who figures out his true identity very quickly. Unfortunately, she doesn't know he's secretly dying of poison.

Mei Changsu/Lin Shu/Su Zhe

Nihuang

Jingyan

Of course it's a lot more complicated than it sounds. Keeping track of who's who was a nightmare the first time I watched it. Just about everything will be important later. Even a book or a throwaway remark. You probably won't be able to understand the whole story unless you watch the series at least twice. Luckily it's the sort of series that you want to rewatch. Over and over and over. Even though it tears your heart into shreds repeatedly.

At least it has funny and heartwarming moments to distract from the tragedy. Fei Liu is one of the far too few child characters who are adorable without being annoying. Meng Zhi is basically part of the audience, watching, commenting on, and being confused by the schemes of all these geniuses. And Consort Jing is a strong contender for the title of "most amazing character in the entire series".

I avoided spoilers as much as possible, yet about half-way through I began to sense it wouldn't have a happy ending. I hoped and prayed I was wrong. Then the final episode arrived and proved me right. No matter how many times I see it, that damned last episode always leaves me a sobbing mess 😭

This isn't a series you can watch just for fun. You have to pay attention to basically everything. But it's one of the best series I've ever seen, and I expect I'll soon watch it a fifth time.

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube with English subs.

Rating: 10/10.

Review: 1984 (novel)

Is this a novel or a newspaper?

1984 is a 1949 novel by George Orwell. Along with Animal Farm it's one of his most famous works. Parts of it have become entrenched in the English language (even if people don't realise where they come from). "Big Brother" and "thoughtcrime" are among the most recognisable. The novel has been adapted into at least two films and several radio versions.

The story follows Winston Smith, who has a job rewriting history for the Ministry of Truth (a misnomer if ever there was one!), as he tries to oppose the monstrous government he's living under.

Honestly, Winston, Julia, and all the other characters are the least interesting part of the book. What truly interests me is the horrific world they live in -- a world that every day looks more and more like ours. Mass surveillance? It's here. Propaganda? Everywhere you look. The "Clap for Carers" mania is essentially two minutes' hate without the hate (yet). Censorship? Videos criticising the lockdown have been removed from YouTube. An oppressive government? Reality has surpassed the novel; every single government has become Oceania in all but name.

I didn't enjoy this book. It was a tremendous struggle to finish and I don't want to read it again. But it's a book you absolutely should read. It'll terrify you, and hopefully it will make you think.

Rating: I honestly don't know how to rate it. 7/10 or 8/10, I suppose.

Is it available online?: Yes, on Gutenberg.

Review: The Pirates of Penzance (1983)

Logically this is the sort of film I should hate. In fact I probably would hate it... if it wasn't so genuinely and intentionally funny in how ludicrous it is.

The Pirates of Penzance is a 1983 film based on the 1880 opera by Gilbert and Sullivan. Apparently there are some differences between the music in the film and the opera, but the plot is the same.

I only recognised two actors:
Kevin Kline (Maurice in that horrific Beauty and the Beast remake) as the Pirate King
Angela Lansbury (Mrs. Lovett in Sweeney Todd 1982) as Ruth

The plot is exactly the comedic absurdity you'd expect from a Gilbert and Sullivan opera. A mix-up leads to Frederic becoming an apprentice pirate. Our story begins on the day he's released from his apprenticeship (or so he thinks). As soon as he lands on the shore he meets Mabel, daughter of the very model of a modern Major-General, and they fall in love at first sight. Unfortunately Mabel's father does not approve. Hilarity ensues.

From every standpoint -- except the cast and their singing abilities -- this film should be a catastrophe. The picture is of roughly the same quality as my webcam, and the cameraman (like the majority of 1980s cameramen) had apparently never used a camera before. There are moments that make me wonder if the director thought he was adapting Alice in Wonderland instead of The Pirates of Penzance. The film's so absurd it often comes perilously close to later abominations like Moulin Rouge! and Anna Karenina.

And yet to paraphrase a quote I saw on Tumblr, I can't praise it in any way except by saying I loved every minute. I laughed so much I got a stitch in my side. The songs are so catchy that I still can't get them out of my head.

If you want something to cheer you up, try this film! It's one of the best cures for a bad mood I've ever seen.

Rating: 8/10.

Is it available online?: Yes, on YouTube.

Review: Around the World in Eighty Days (novel)

Why yes, I am reading a lot of Jules Verne's novels lately. Thanks to the current insanity I'm barely able to travel to the shops, but by reading Verne I can travel all over the world -- or even to the moon.

Around the World in Eighty Days is an 1872 novel by Jules Verne. It's one of his most famous novels and has been adapted many times. (The most famous -- and best -- adaptation is of course the 1956 film, which is incidentally one of my all-time favourite films.)

Jean Passepartout wants a quiet life working for someone who doesn't travel much. Unfortunately for him he starts working for Phileas Fogg on the very day Mr. Fogg accepts a wager to travel around the world in eighty days. During the journey they face unexpected delays, rescue an Indian princess, and run into near-catastrophe on multiple occasions. To complicate matters, a detective is convinced Mr. Fogg is really a bank robber, and he follows them all over the world in an attempt to arrest him.

I've read the book at least ten times, but every time I start it again it's like I've never read it before. Of course I know that Passepartout will rescue Aouda, and that Mr. Fogg will buy a new boat and reach England in time, and that Fix will discover he's made a mistake after arresting Mr. Fogg. Obviously I know how it ends, and that there's a plot twist ahead even when all seems lost. Yet somehow I never think of that when I'm reading it. The story is so absorbing that I might as well not have a clue what happens next.

When you're not able to travel to foreign countries in real life, reading about them is the next best thing. I expect I'll reread this book frequently over the next few weeks.

Is it available online?: Yes, on Gutenberg. (I think this translation is reasonably good.)

Rating: 7/10.

Review: Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea (novel)

A hallmark of Jules Verne's novels is the frequent lectures on chemistry, geography, technology, and other subjects. Half of this novel is a science fiction story. The other half is a sometimes out-of-date marine biology textbook.

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea (a more accurate translation is Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas) is an 1871 novel by Jules Verne. It's one of his best-known works and has been adapted frequently; the most famous adaptation is of course the 1954 Disney film. It was followed by a sequel, The Mysterious Island, which I haven't read yet. Technically it's the second in a trilogy, preceded by In Search of the Castaways AKA The Children of Captain Grant, but it has no connection with the first book.

I watched the film before I read the book. So I expected the book would be like the film. Turns out, it isn't. What's even more surprising is that I actually like the film better.

Almost everyone knows the plot. Professor Arronax and his servant Conseil join the hunt for a sea monster. The sea monster turns out to be a submarine: the Nautilus, owned by the mysterious Captain Nemo. Arronax, Conseil, and their friend Ned Land become Nemo's prisoners, and travel all over the world before they finally escape.

The book is quite short. Unfortunately almost half of it is taken up with lists of the fish Arronax sees, technical details about how the Nautilus works, and other decidedly boring statistics. When I read a science fiction novel I expect it to be actually fiction. If I want a science lesson I'll just find a textbook.

Unlike the film the book doesn't end with Nemo's death. Our heroes sneak off the Nautilus (how they manage it is never explained), and Nemo's fate is left uncertain. Apparently The Mysterious Island explains it. But without reading that book, this one's ending is very unsatisfactory.

Is it available online?: Yes, on Gutenberg. (This is one of the best translations.)

Rating: 6/10.

Review: Journey to the Centre of the Earth (novel)

Jules Verne was a good author. Unfortunately his works have been subjected to many, many terrible translations.

Journey to the Centre of the Earth is an 1864 novel by Jules Verne. It's the third of his Extraordinary Voyages novels, and one of his best-known works. It's been adapted into at least four films and three miniseries. None of the adaptations stay close to the book.

The basic story is the same in both the original novel and the bad translations. Professor Lidenbrock and his nephew Axel find a mysterious message from a long-dead explorer claiming to have reached the centre of the earth. They immediately -- and reluctantly, in Axel's case -- go to Iceland, climb into a volcano, and set off for the earth's centre.

The translation I read made mincemeat of the novel, yet it still managed to be an interesting story. Unfortunately I can't read anything more complicated than basic French, and I don't know how to find a good translation. I suspect the translator responsible for what I read also couldn't read French. To start with, they changed the characters' names. Lidenbrock became Hardwigg and Axel became Harry. Apparently they also added scenes. I couldn't make heads or tails of Axel/Harry's bizarre dream(?) about a giant ape until I learnt it wasn't in the original novel.

I realised pretty quickly that I'd got one of the worst translations. When you read translated novels regularly you learn to spot the hallmarks of a subpar translator. If you're lucky you'll just get clunky prose. If you're unlucky, most of it's complete gibberish. But I persevered. As long as I reminded myself that the bad writing was the translator's fault and not Verne's, I could almost ignore it and focus on the plot.

Luckily the plot itself makes up for the translation. Sure, it's not at all plausible or scientifically accurate -- something the characters themselves comment on. But it's so interesting I had trouble putting it down.

If you find a good translation, this book is definitely worth reading. Unfortunately it's very difficult to tell which translations are good and which ones shouldn't be touched with a barge-pole. Even if you get one of the worse ones, you'll probably still enjoy the story -- though some scenes might leave you scratching your head.

Is it available online?: Yes, on Gutenberg. (Apparently this version is one of the better translations.)

Rating: The version I read gets 2/10. The story itself gets 7/10.

(Not Really a) Review: The Three K-dramas I've Watched So Far

As you probably know by now, I've watched several Chinese dramas. Korean dramas, on the other hand, are a rabbit hole I haven't really fallen down yet. Here are my thoughts on the three dramas I have seen.

Goblin (also called Guardian: The Lonely and Great God) is one of the most famous K-dramas ever made. It's also the first one I watched from beginning to end. My thoughts: ...well, it's certainly good. At times it's heartwarming, at times it's depressing, and some parts of it made me roar with laughter.

There's just one problem. The far-too-large (and too obvious) age gap between the main couple. I simply can't ship an immortal man with a girl who's still in high school. Not only that, but their interactions feel far more friendly/familial than romantic. I would have enjoyed the series more if it had removed the romance and instead focused on the zany antics of the immortal goblin and the grim reaper who somewhat reluctantly become housemates.

Rating: 7/10.

Scholar Who Walks the Night is based on the manhwa of the same name (which I haven't read yet). If it stays close to the source, then the manhwa isn't very good. If it doesn't, then the adaptation isn't very good. Basically, it's about vampires. In Joseon. Fighting over who gets the throne. Insane though that premise is, it could have been turned into something quite good. Unfortunately most of the series is silly and/or boring.

Ironically the best part of it is the villain. I fast-forwarded each episode until I found Gwi's next scene. He's a manipulative, despicable monster, but he's much more interesting than the heroes. I was honestly disappointed when he died.

Rating: 4/10.

The King in Love (also called The King Loves) is based on the novel of the same name, which in turn is loosely based on historical events. Verdict: yet another series with a clumsily shoehorned-in love triangle. The historical and political part of the story is interesting. But at least twice in every episode the plot comes to a screeching halt while Won, San and Rin angst and sulk about their romantic woes.

By far the worst part is the ending. We never find out how Rin survived that fall. I'd just accepted he was dead when suddenly he reappears without a word of explanation. There went my suspension of disbelief 😒

Rating: 6/10.